Thursday, May 25, 2006

Manliness, Navel Gazing, and My Weird Wife
On Wanting a Better Vagina


Over coffee, she recounts her dream:

I was going down on you,
but you had no penis.
You had a vagina.

It was small
- freakishly small.
There was no odor, no taste
- and I was not disgusted.


She adds the last
like it’s a compliment.
I won’t let it rest.

I want her running in her sleep
on four legs, growling;
sliding past, and clawing back
in animal fascination
to the strength of my sweat.
And if I must have a vagina,
I want a Big Manly Vagina.
She says:

It was only a dream. Stop
being a bitch.

posted by Carl Bryant @ 3:38 PM   11 comments Literary Shirts

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11 Comments:

At 3:45 PM, Blogger lorguru said...

great poem. roflmao!
-laur


 

 

At 4:18 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Thanks, Lauren.

I posted this because I know Sarah doesn't like it (I have to keep *some* sort of artistic integrity...) grins

Hey! You're my 1,000th blog visitor. You've just won a free bottle of Tylenol!


 

 

At 3:29 PM, Blogger SarahJane said...

i just thought you were kind of sort of ANTI-vagina monologues. the secret is i laughed, too, and a secret is never a lie.


 

 

At 9:34 AM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

There goes my artistic integrity.

Is that an oxymoron?


 

 

At 7:23 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

pretty funny man

you might enjoy my blog.... or you might hate it... check it out if you're bored


 

 

At 7:31 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Very cool blog, Ryan.

Stick figures rock. I wish I could draw them. Ever notice how those stupid drawing lesson books always *assume* you know how to draw a stick figure?

I hate that.


 

 

At 10:10 AM, Blogger Pamela V said...

Funny, a good example of why I never listen to people's dreams.

PS........I followed Lauren here.


 

 

At 12:08 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Dreams are humbling things, Pamela.

When I wrote my first draft a year ago, it was a bit angrier. At the time, I was really cheesed that she would dream of me having a tiny vagina. As if that were somehow more emasculating than a larger one.

PS..... Be careful following Lauren. She's having a midlife crisis and is thinking of doing something crazy - like making glass or subbing to a magazine.


 

 

At 5:34 PM, Blogger Pris said...

Love it. I'm rolling on the floor with laughter!


 

 

At 3:38 AM, Blogger SarahJane said...

so, wait, the name of your blog should have been carl's tiny vagina?


 

 

At 9:48 AM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Sarah, you're a riot!


 

 

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