Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I'm Back
According to my MD - I have a sinus infection, strep throat, a nasty cough, an ear inflammation, and what remains of my tonsils have become "pretty red." "Red" I can deal with, but it's creepy when a Georgia doctor says you have any sort of pretty mouth.

Here's what happened in the world while I was out sick:

The Georgia Supreme Court overturned a ruling by a lower court that removed the ban on same-sex marriage. This is bad news for all Georgia homosexuals who married immediately after the lower-court ruling - as they are all now "living in sin."

Man... I can't wait for the rapture to thin the diseased minds from the herd. I'm ready for some peace and mutual respect.

Korea launched a missile everyone said was capable of reaching US soil, but it flew for about 40 seconds and blew up. If they want to nuke us, it looks like our embassy in Korea is the most likely target. Scary - if you're Korean.

Israel attacked Lebanon for harboring Hezbollah. Everyone knows Iran is the real sponsor of Hezbollah, but Iran probably has nukes and Israel isn't stupid. Crazy - yes. Stupid - no. The lesson for President Bush is: "Never attack a terrorist state for having WMD's if those WMD's actually exist." Amen to that.

Speaking of Bush... The President - at a Meeting of 8 summit in Russia - forgot his microphone was on and rambled unsupervised until Tony Blair turned off the microphone. Here's what Bush said about the situation in Lebanon: “See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over.”

^ Change "Syria" to "Halliburton" and "Hezbollah" to "George Bush."
The irony is so thick... it could sit on the Georgia Supreme Court.

In local news: I made a TV commercial for one of our sister companies, where I pretended to be one of their customers. Then I took my shirt off for the next segment and pretended to be one of their employees. It has aired about a million times in Georgia. Nobody pays any attention to the first part.

I’ve probably made the newspapers at least 6 dozen times – with groundbreaking ceremonies, music reviews of my old concerts, etc – and I’m famous as “that guy who wears a white t-shirt and works in the back.”

I've decided to milk it.

Tomorrow: I wear a white t-shirt and get stuck in a well with a gay guy.

posted by Carl Bryant @ 9:49 PM   11 comments Literary Shirts

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11 Comments:

At 11:31 PM, Blogger Scarlett said...

Just found you but I am glad your back, sounds like a very nasty illness!


 

 

At 11:32 PM, Blogger Writing Blind said...

Carl, back from the dead at last. See what happens when you go away? The world completely goes to shit. You better start taking your vitamins so this doesn't happen again.


 

 

At 3:45 AM, Blogger C. E. Chaffin said...

Welcome back from your illness. I always hate geting sick in summ. But I still want to know what happened with your traffic after your last post. Must be phenomenal.

I read about Bush's remarks in the paper. He also noted that Russian and China were "big."


 

 

At 7:38 AM, Blogger Ben said...

Sorry you aren't well--but at least there's been plenty of comedy to get you through.

Korea's "awesome display of power" was pretty intimidating, wasn't it? It was like being scared your enemy has a megaton bomb, only to find he set off a string of firecrackers.


 

 

At 8:52 AM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Hi Scarlett! It's nice to find a visitor who doesn't think I'm a complete moron.

Rebecca - I season steak fat with vitamins.

CE - thanks. I hope your own illness improves dramatically. I'd love to see you finally able to measure your moods in micro-gerbils. As to Google - my largest number of Google referrals comes from the search terms "calories in human sperm." Apparently, a bunch of overweight women are looking to assign blame.

Ben, I thought Korea was remarkably stupid. You don't stage such an ineffectual display of power... then brag about it.


 

 

At 9:06 AM, Blogger lorguru said...

so glad you're back. This was a great post...it almost made up for the downtime! I hope you feel better soon. Sounds very nasty.


 

 

At 4:03 PM, Blogger Ben said...

Yeah, I agree. It's like the kid in grade-school who says he's going to kick the crap out of someone at lunch, and later just tries to push him and misses.

If you're going to get into a dick-measuring contest with the world's superpowers, don't swim with the polar bear club first.


 

 

At 11:59 PM, Blogger Rus Bowden said...

Hi Carl,

Sinus infections are horrible. The heat is horrible. You poor guy. Be well and be cool.

Your post here reminded me of one by Andrew Varnon a few months ago:

Ashbery on Gay Marriage

Rus


 

 

At 3:27 AM, Anonymous LJ said...

Cool post as usual. Glad you are feeling a little better. Well enough to entertain us again anyway.


 

 

At 8:06 AM, Blogger michi said...

ha! i will stop listening to / reading news on tv, on the radio, in the papers, and get you to do all that for me. much more fun.

:)

good to have you back.

biqojo, agress the word verif.


 

 

At 6:41 PM, Blogger Annie said...

I just stumbled across your blog. What a hoot! Sounds like a nasty group of bugs invaded your tiny brain. Hope your feeling better.


 

 

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