Saturday, June 03, 2006

contributions to the sum of human knowledge
Aspirin doesn't really cure headaches - it's the "keep away from children" instruction that does the trick.

Dry toast and toothpaste will remove cat stains from the microwave.

If dogs don't know it's not bacon, neither will your kids.

You can easily hide vodka by pouring it into icecube trays. It won't freeze and no one will bother it.

Diet Coke will kill sperm, but using it for this purpose raises its caloric content to that of regular Coke.

posted by Carl Bryant @ 12:26 PM   10 comments Literary Shirts

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At 4:23 PM, Blogger lorguru said...

And just how many calories do the sperm add to the coke???



At 6:41 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

I can't believe you would go there, Lauren.

Sheesh. Am I the only classy person on this blog??



At 12:04 AM, Blogger Rus Bowden said...

I cannot find the calories in sperm on the net anywhere. People refer to it, but no one has the answer.

However, Carl gives us the necessary information above in this thread. There are zero calories in Diet Coke. So, the caloric content of Classic Coke, must equal the number of calories in one serving of sperm.

There are 97 calories in 8 ounces of Coke. If it is a 12-ounce serving, then the answer is 145.



At 7:58 AM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

See what you started, Lauren? See?

It depends upon the volume of the fluid and the amount of sperm, of course. Since it's my stupid list, I'm killing about enough to equal the caloric content of an equal volume of coke.

Rus - 145 calories of sperm? You must be planning on killing a bunch of those poor little guys. I'm unsure of the legal daily creel limits in Mass. You could get cited.

It's more sporting to catch and release.



At 8:31 AM, Blogger Pris said...

You are a frigging riot...and I was especially glad to get that useful information about the sperm:-)



At 10:21 AM, Blogger jenni said...

LOL on the vodka!!

I started drinking diet coke a few months ago. No wonder i haven't lost any weight!



At 11:06 AM, Blogger michi said...

and who said blogs weren't educational? it has answers to all the questions we never had.

good thing i don't touch coke, diet or not. and nah ... you don't want to ask that other question now. *very wicked grin*




At 12:02 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Pris, I can't believe you swallowed my sperm information. Never trust a man, sweetie.

Jenni, I hate diet coke. I took a swig once but spit it out - along with my gum.
It must be an acquired taste.

Michi, that's just weird... :)



At 1:38 PM, Blogger Arlene said...

ooooh. you just gave me a neat idea for ice cubes, carl.

i do remember reading in cosmopolitan or somewhere like that that the, erm, contains a lot of natural protein. nice thing for body builders out there to know. hee.




At 7:45 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Arlene, did you know that it also improves your score on standardized driving exams?



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