Thursday, January 04, 2007

Poetry is a Lonely Thing
After a very long stretch of writing fiction, I've returned to the writing of poetry.

Allow me to correct myself: I've returned to insecurity and self-loathing.

I was going to post something poetically sappy, but I've decided instead to list my top ten euphemisms for writing poetry that work equally well as euphemisms for masturbation.




10. Capturing the essence of Longfellow.

  9. Trying for a magazine spot.

  8. Shooting myself in the foot.

  7. Polishing until it no longer shines.

  6. Grinding the pencil to a nub.

  5. Trying a well-worn device.

  4. Spewing my emotions onto paper.

  3. Coming to grips with a little issue.

  2. Dragging my post to online criticism.

  1. Stroking myself until I have an orgasm.

posted by Carl Bryant @ 7:46 PM   10 comments Literary Shirts

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10 Comments:

At 11:16 PM, Blogger Patricia Lockwood said...

HA! I can hardly believe, however, that you didn't see fit to throw a "ghazal" joke in there somewhere.

For ladies, I think "abuse of soft rhyme" might work.


 

 

At 11:28 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

I like "abuse of soft rhyme." It's very feminine.

My all-time favorite euphemism for ladies is "polishing the wedding ring."

There's something tragically poetic in that one.


 

 

At 3:56 PM, Blogger Patricia Lockwood said...

Agreed. Of course, if we decided to take that metaphor one step further, into the realm of metalsmithing perhaps, we could call it "texturing the white gold with a diamond wheel." Which if you are not pleased by, you must be dead.


 

 

At 5:48 PM, Blogger Arlene said...

teeheehee. you are sick. and that's a compliment. you forgot to mention cummings alongside longfellow.

i feel as if i've gotten a stiff neck looking over your shoulder.

a.


 

 

At 6:30 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Arlene, you're one weird woman.

Heck, you're two weird women.


 

 

At 12:00 AM, Blogger C. E. Chaffin said...

Your metaphors will no doubt attain a higher level of popularity than an actual poem.

Confessional poetry may be masturbation, but great poetry comes from the ability to project oneself into someone or something else, Keats' negative capability--the loss of self in the celebration of the other.

Arlene (schl)Ang was too funny. Needs her wedding ring polished. Hard act to follow. It left me limp.


 

 

At 1:06 PM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

CE - As a poet, I project myself in and out of things often. Sometimes I keep it up for whole minutes.

And you're right about Ms Ang. She's always a scream. :)

Okay... the sexual innuendos are starting to swallow me.


 

 

At 2:36 PM, Blogger Harvey Molloy said...

Hi from New Zealand. How about "spending the night with Mrs Palm and her four lovely daughters"?


 

 

At 4:52 PM, Blogger The Lettershaper said...

I very much enjoyed my time here; as a poet and an avid reader, I found it both enlightening and enriching. Thank you...


 

 

At 11:56 AM, Blogger Carl Bryant said...

Harvey - a whole night???

Hammer and Tong, that's very kind of you to say. I feel all vulnerable now that I've allowed you inside. Please Hammer - don't hurt me.


 

 

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