Monday, September 25, 2006

Why I can't blog
My wife spends all evening (every evening) posting to prayer blogs around the net. Therefore, I've been avoiding the internet... to show my superiority.

I hope she doesn't read this.

In other news, the pope insulted atheists today. We've decided to protest by staging a massive demonstration of indifference.

posted by Carl Bryant @ 5:21 PM   13 comments Literary Shirts

Friday, September 08, 2006

In Today's News
Google News is fun.

A new drug has been found to help with premature ejaculation.

From the article:

"According to the US researchers, at the beginning of the study, the men, on average, ejaculated under a minute after penetration. After 12 weeks, the time to ejaculation was 1.75 minutes for those on placebo and 2.78 minutes for those on 30mg of the drug.

However those who had been taking 60mg of the drug saw their time to ejaculation increase to 3.32 minutes."

If you are a woman, what is better: 1 minute of sex, or 3.32 minutes of sex?

I can only speak for the "man imagining himself on the receiving end" perspective, but I'd take the "less than a minute" option.

The prospect of a new marathon sex drug has PE sufferers excited. So excited,in fact... well - you know.

Congress votes to ban the slaughter of horses for human consumption.

From the article:

"The House overwhelmingly approved a bill Thursday banning the transport and slaughter of horses for human consumption...

...It's legal to eat horse meat, but Americans are generally repulsed by the idea of consuming what many view as a companion animal."

So it would be legal to eat a horse, but illegal to kill it first?
Our country is run by monsters.

The man who held Austrian schoolgirl Natascha Kampusch captive for eight years has been buried secretly and under a false name, officials said.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess:
He's buried in his mother's basement.

There May Be More To a Vegetative State Than Science Thought

From the article:

A new study promises, or threatens, to overturn medical dogma about what is happening in the minds and brains of at least some patients in such a state...

...Patients in a vegetative state open their eyes and seem to be awake, yet show no sign of being aware of themselves or their surroundings.

Apparently, scientists have never visited Arkansas.

posted by Carl Bryant @ 11:39 AM   9 comments Literary Shirts

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why they call it Labor Day
The long, long, long weekend with the in-laws in Little Rock has ended.

They are all very nice, but absolutely no one there can be happy with a television channel for more than five seconds.

I watched a few seconds of everything on TV, then I went to the zoo.

My brother-in-law arranged a backstage visit with the keeper of the “large hoofed mammals.” I don’t know how he came to know her, but Arkansas is full of large hoofed mammals… particularly in the local Walmart. She must be a very busy woman.

The visit was interesting, but ultimately gross - like when my wife announces that she’s made chicken casserole for dinner… and I find out she’s replaced the chicken with bologna.

I suppose the kids had fun. A baby giraffe came up to take an apple from my niece’s hand, and we discovered that what we called “giraffe-spots” were actually called “sores.” There was a nice zoo anecdote about “troubles with the unloading chute.”

The kids were allowed to pet the rhinos, then they learned rhino stench is extremely difficult to wash from your hands.

Knowledge is power.

posted by Carl Bryant @ 6:49 PM   5 comments Literary Shirts